There are many
things that I hate about being mentally ill.
One of the worst would have to be being nothing more than the label of
your diagnosis. This is a common thing
that a lot of friends, family members, or anyone who doesn’t understand what it
is like to do. What do I mean? Let’s say you’re bipolar. You get angry at someone and the other person
throws your illness in your face and declares that you’re acting “crazy again”
or that you must be manic.
If you have a bad
day and don’t feel like talking about it, people assume you are depressed just
because you have a diagnosis of depression.
You can’t even be allowed to be sad for fear of others attempting to
label you as symptomatic. And even if
you start to become slightly symptomatic they blow it out of the water as
though you were currently on your way out the door naked with a cactus in one hand
and lipstick in the other.
They feel as though if you can’t function
properly when you are fully symptomatic any sign of anything outside of
neutrality must be met with the taking away of car keys, credit cards, or whatever
the issue is. Our illness is thrown in
our face at the slightest upset of the water, cramming us into a tight corner
where we are no longer allowed to freely express ourselves. We have two settings, as it would seem,
neutral and crazy.
Don’t do that
please. Realize that we are more than
just an illness, more than a set of symptoms to be on the lookout for. We appreciate that you care enough to look
for the warning signs, we really do.
Sometimes that’s all we really want is for someone to care. But we aren’t just robots; we have range of
emotion and may even act in a way that is suspect for a few hours.
Remember that a “normal”
person has all kinds of reactions to all kinds of stimuli, some appropriate,
some inappropriate. We, by and large,
already feel stressed about our illnesses.
If we are angry, we may lash. We
aren’t being histrionic or manic, if we are upset or sad we may cry, that does
not mean we are not depressed. We don’t
need to be reminded of our illness, we want to feel normal.
So what would I
suggest doing? Watch behavior for a few
days and notice patterns forming over the course of a few days. If we cry after a bad day at work, that’s
fine. If we cry after a bad day at work
and then refuse to get up the next morning there might be a problem. Allow us a full day of behavior (so long as
it isn’t obviously harmful to anyone) to readjust.
While I have
singled out those close to us, I have seen this kind of thing from more
professional people. My therapist asks me
if I have trouble sleeping for even a single night if I’m manic. If I say I spent the weekend curled up
watching Star Trek, she says I must be depressed. While sometimes we may not be the best judge
of how we feel, we certainly don’t like being told how we feel any more than
any other person does.
Again, we do
appreciate people looking out for us, and sure sometimes we need that gentle
reminder that we may be off kilter, but give us time to even out on our own, we
will respect those times when you do remind us all the more.
--JJM
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